I’m honestly sitting here trying to ignore the dull pain occurring in my arm right now, so here I am, having already failed at Blogtober, with another post.
So, girls and guys, we all know that unrequited anything is horrible, it’s a bitch, it’s the worst. Unrequited love, unrequited hatred, unrequited anything. I’m going to tell you what to do after being confined to the dreaded friendzone, or, more broadly, how to get over someone you never really had.
In all honesty, I don’t like guys. Let me clarify: I’m very much heterosexual, but it’s hard for me to like people. I’m not saying I have super high standards, I’m saying that in my entire 22 years I haven’t really liked liked people. In school, I was never interested in guys or relationships and I would shut down any flirting straight away because the guys around me were lame. I’m not head over heels about anyone at the moment, except Bill Skarsgard obv, and I don’t really interact with men (or anyone). So considering that, you’d better believe that if I like you, it’s a miracle. So if I know I could get over being friendzoned, so can you.
Now, you might read that and wonder why I would even consider giving relationship advice, but despite my lack of experience, people always wish they had listened to me sooner. I think a contributing factor is that I’m extra careful (cough – anxiety) and it’s not worth getting hurt over someone that way. I’m not hugely familiar with the whole confessing-your-undying-love-and-being-rejected thing because that would mean multiple instances of having undying love and then confessing it, but know that I definitely know how to deal with it.
So, here’s what to do when you’re thrown in the friendzone of somebody you’re madly in love with (or just crushing on):
Step 1: Accept it
Look. They’ve already made up their mind. Don’t do the whole ‘but…no…wait… I can change your mind…or maybe it’ll change with time’ thing; it’s embarrassing for you and you’re not changing anybody else’s mind, so only work on changing your own. Anytime I ever friendzoned someone, I meant it. There was never a case where I changed my mind, and I always knew right from the get go that I was never going to change it. You can ask them for their reasons and even get angry if they led you on, but don’t be fooled by the common response of ‘I’m just not ready for anything’. That doesn’t mean they’ll be ready in time, it just means they’re not ready for YOU. It’s the harsh truth, but with acceptance comes freedom.
Step 2: Cut out communication
‘I think we should just be friends’ is what they say to you. To which you respond ‘thank you, but no’. Don’t stay friends. Stupid people will call you selfish for cutting them off just because you can’t remain just friends, but???? This is your life and your heart in question. There’s a big chance they said they wanted to stay friends simply out of politeness because it’s too rude to say ‘get out of my life’. There’s a bigger chance that they want to keep you around to stroke their ego and remind themselves that there’s a poor soul out there who is pining over them. But even if they have no bad intentions, staying friends only hurts you even if you don’t think it does. Is it possible to go from being smitten over someone one second, to their friend the next? No. Of course not. Don’t be a dumb idiot. They’ll feel comfortable enough to flirt harmlessly because they don’t give a shit that it’s doing a lot of harm by giving you false hope. You’ll always secretly be hoping they change their mind and that you end up together. It won’t happen. Cut them off and consider becoming friends again only after your heartache has dissipated and you no longer want them in any way. The only person who should decide to stay friends is you.
Step 3: Delete. Delete. Delete.
Delete them off social media, delete their number. Stop trying to see what they look like now or if they’ve written a cryptic tweet that might be about you or some other girl that they chose. ‘But what if he changes his mind but it’s too late because I’ve deleted him?’, girl you better raise your standards. If they wanted to contact you, believe me they would. Girls are a little more stubborn and can secretly be in love with you for years without telling you, but if a guy wants someone, trust that he will do whatever he must to have that someone. He’s not thinking about you, because you’d know if he was. If someone wants to talk to you, they will. They’d email you or post a letter if they had to. Stop leaving doors open for people who don’t wanna come. If they change their mind, they can stand nervously outside and knock.
Step 4: Remove memorabilia
Please. Destroy anything they’ve given you, delete all those photos and delete that playlist. I know you get a little bit of comfort knowing it’s there even if you don’t look at it, but that’s the point. We’re trying to get rid of any trace of this person, so delete everything. I know it’s hard because removing it all makes everything so final. But get rid of it so that you have a clean slate for the right person and no thought of anybody else lingering around. Most importantly, do it so that you only have time to focus on yourself without mulling over what could have been.
Step 5: Reflect
Here’s the fun part, the part that should make it all easier. Let’s reconsider the fact that you were highly sprung over this person and you might have loved them to the moon and back, had they let you. Let’s then reconsider the fact that this person didn’t wanna know and wasn’t interested and didn’t want it. Whilst we know that you can’t change anybody’s mind and it isn’t their fault if they only see you as a friend, consider that you should be thankful. Be thankful that you have a lot of love to give and that you didn’t give it to the wrong person. Repeat this thought until you understand that even if they did come back, they’d have a lot of rising to do. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t want you, unless of course you’re an asshole in which case you don’t. But don’t ever be angry at anybody for rejecting you, because it just means you still have time to better yourself in time for the right person, when/if that happens.
Step 6: Don’t jump to the next person
Having said that, you must NOT live your life waiting for someone. A mistake that I’ve seen people make time and time again. Don’t do it. Don’t jump to or wait for the next person. Now is the time to build yourself up, not get a rebound. You’re not living your life to attract other people! You’re living your life for your own fulfilment, and maybe one day someone will come along and you’ll wish you had met them sooner, except they’ll have arrived at the perfect moment and they’ll fit that small empty space in the puzzle of your life. All will be swell.
Finally, don’t be angry at someone for friendzoning you. Do NOT hate someone for rejecting you. People can’t help how they feel; they can’t help not wanting you the same way you can’t help wanting them. Be glad they were honest with you, because it’s worse to be led on by somebody who is pretending to want the same thing as you. Keep moving forward!!!!!