(Anti) Feminism, part 3 – The Phenomenon of the ‘Pick-Me’



Ah yes. We have reached the end of this angry rant with my favourite topic.

Not least because I am, by the standards of Twitter’s feminists, a big fat, giant, massive pick-me.

I don’t believe pick-me exists in the Oxford dictionary, but by and large it refers to a woman who doesn’t hate men (and vice-versa, but I can only speak from the perspective of a straight woman).

You defend men, believe they have feelings and should be looked after the way women are? Pick me! You want to look after your man; you want to show him love, cook for him, and do nice things for him? Absolutely a pick me, disgusting! For shame! You like men for their personality and their character, rather than their money, clothes, possessions etc? Ew, I hope he picks you sis. You don’t want all men to die? On God, we gon’ get someone to pick you.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.

The only anti-pick-me narrative I agree with is that of a woman actively bashing other women for the approval of men. Being snide, bitchy, and unnecessarily rude just to get a few laughs out of men; laughing when a man hurts a woman who has done nothing wrong; supporting an abuser just because you think he’s sexy. Purposely putting other women down and trying to make yourself look better. That’s a real ‘please pick me, I’m different to the other basic bitches. I’m so much cooler and better than them, please pick me, they’re all ugly ogres and I’m so different to the rest; you’ll never find another girl like me, I promise you that. You’ll be thinking about me when you’re with her lol I’m so different, I leave a mark on people.

But obviously, people have watered this down to suit their own agenda, and now pick-me generally refers to a woman who apparently does and says things as a mating call, because we obviously don’t have our own brains, and everything we do in life is solely in the quest to attain male approval. Which is very telling for the people who use the phrase. What a phenomenon.

I want to dissect it and destroy it.


// Misandry

The root of it all. Maybe you genuinely hate men. Maybe the guy you like doesn’t like you. Either way, it’s become normal to just hate men and hold every individual man responsible for his horrible brethren. It’s very alarming, given the justified outrage against misogyny.

I get it. There is no systemic hatred of men because we live in the patriarchy; but does that make it okay to openly and proudly announce that you genuinely hate men and want them all to die? Does that make it okay to make brazen jokes about the demise of the entire male population? You are free to say what you want, but I am free to think you look like an idiot for doing so.

Whilst we’re here, I’m going to quickly address ‘men are trash.’

Men are trash. Not every individual man; men as an entity, as a group of people, as an idea, shall we say, are trash. Every single woman in the world has to fear men or is in some way a victim of the patriarchy. Every woman. This ranges from simple wage gap, to horrific honour killings. We can’t go outside at night without fear of being attacked by a man, and most of us have had countless experiences of catcalling and other general scummy, inappropriate behaviour. Many of us even have stories of assault, be it by men we don’t know, men we just met, or men we trusted with our lives. Every culture has men at the top somewhere, every man has the upper hand within their culture. Ergo, men are trash. That’s all.

There are men who agree and are aware of the plight that women go through, men who are lovely and caring and respectful; of course, they’re not trash. Importantly, they are secure in their knowledge of this.

There are men who refuse to agree that women are victims of the patriarchy, or even acknowledge that it exists, frequently being heard to say ‘women are abusers too’ or, my personal favourite, ‘so if women want equality, does that mean we can hit them back?’. These men are definitely part of the trash and should be avoided at all costs. It’s simple, and it really just comes down to having a brain and living in the same world as everyone else. It’s amazing to me that the men who say ‘not all men’ are the same men saying ‘I’m scared to have a daughter because I know what men are like.’

But alas. Once again, I digress.

My point is this: you can acknowledge that men are trash without hating men. I’ve seen women openly talking about how they have a burning hatred for all men and they want to kill every single man they see. This is illness, and you should get your brain checked out.


// Femininity & gender roles

Inb4 anybody cries about gender being a social construct. I know it is. That’s why I’m talking about the socially constructed gender that is girl/woman, and all the connotations and expectations attached to it.

I have seen women bash other women for putting marriage before their career; for making family and love the most important thing in their life. I have seen these same women say they want a man to spoil them and buy them flowers. Girl, chivalry pertains to the gender roles that you apparently despise. You can ask for whatever you want, but you cannot expect it. It’s okay to want to have a family, to get married and have children; it’s also okay to want to never have kids and just keep climbing the career ladder. It’s okay to do both, and it’s okay to do neither. It’s okay to want to pay your own bills, buy a nice car for yourself, whilst also finding a man to cook for. It’s okay to have expectations of what you want in a partner. It’s okay, honestly. It’s okay.

It’s also okay to let other people have boundaries and standards that differ to yours.

A lot of women talk about wanting men to pay for everything. This is a bit of a sticky one; because of who I am, I disagree with this. I hate the thought of being bought, and I don’t agree with transactional relationships. Spending money on someone and doing nice things for them should simply be an act of love, unrelated to gender and without expectations.

But on the other hand, I get where they’re coming from. Men like to use women for sex, and men flash their cars and watches to try and win the women they want. Men like to execute those kinds of gender roles, so why shouldn’t women play the part of the damsel and have men provide for them? You want to uphold the patriarchy but act disgusted when women decide to play the part of the woman in the patriarchal utopia you have created? You want to use money to buy women and then get mad when women play the role you’ve specifically created for them? Everybody wants everyone else to play the role exactly as they want them to, everybody wants to have their cake and eat it. All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely dumb idiots. Or whatever Shakespeare said.

I just think it’s very obnoxious to bash women who want to do ‘wifey’ things for the man they love (and to bash men for wanting to do the same with their women). This is nothing to do with being a woman; this is simply wanting to show love to somebody you care about; it’s wanting to make someone happy, because that’s what makes you happy.

It’s not being a ‘pick me’. Even if it is, it’s none of your business what other people want.

So, I’m gonna wrap this up. I’m not going to stand in the middle of an empty room and deliver a really long monologue about how this was an ironic post and I am very much a feminist.

I’m not.

I despise everything feminism today stands for. I want us to continue on the path that feminism was going, before everybody decided that sex and money were the two most important things in the world.

I want more for us women. We can do better.

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