No world's tiniest violin song [Things I don't fuck with]

Hello, I haven’t posted in almost two months because I am useless. But I’m here now, making a comeback in the most fitting fashion – by complaining.
Let me give you a little update, though, particularly on the little subject  that is my brain. I feel like after making some changes a few months ago (that I may or may not write a post on soon), I’ve become a completely different person. I am so positive, overall a lot happier with myself and life in general and it’s siq. I have adopted the attitude of ‘shit happens, life goes on’, as opposed to my previous ‘pick apart and analyse every single thing that has gone wrong ever, and do this until I go crazy’.
But the only thing is that I’m buzzing with all this positive energy and nobody to share it with. I’m finding myself craving some emotional connection somewhere, not necessarily romantic (and I’m trying to find it over a zoot). More often than not I have this strong desire to just sit and talk. Just talk and listen. Mostly listen. It’s not that myself isn’t enough, it’s that I literally have all this extra happiness going to waste, you know? If I could clone myself, I would. Science side of wordpress, make it happen.
But for now, let me stop being a soppy bitch and bring it back down to reality.  It’s not all rainbows and Nando’s, because shit pisses us all off in real life. I’m gonna tell you mine in the hopes that you never bring them my way, thanks x
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Time is slipping by [Goals before the end of 2017]

Hello, it’s been a while, but as you already know I am a pathetic excuse of a blogger so no surprise there. I have also already failed at Blogmas, but also so very expected of me, because I have about 50 half written drafts that I think aren’t good enough, so I abandon them. I am, however, putting a lot of my energy into something SECRET that I CAN’T TELL YOU ABOUT.
What else is new with me? I am currently experiencing my first ever migraine as a result of a huge life decision I’ve made, I finally had my hair trimmed so I no longer rip it out of my head when I sit down (s/o Slop), and I smashed my phone screen because I’m an idiot. I also went the Scandinavian Christmas Market, post pending. But in a nutshell, I’m living both ends of the spectrum and nothing in between. It’s a gamble. Will tomorrow be unbelievably great, or unbelievably shit? Will I ruin my own life again and wallow in self pity, or will my serotonin give me a refreshing slap in the face? Who knows.
But whatever, enough about me. Here are my December goals. Haha, get it? My head hurts.
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Controversial opinon: Religion [Shitpost]

Something this depraved is not a product of a loving god.

I’m gonna talk about religion; not just about my religion specifically, so I don’t want anybody in the comments asking me why I’m not condemning ISIS. That ain’t my job, bish. I’m talking about religion generally: the whole concept of God, of divine books, of the afterlife.
I am struggling with religion.
Haram police, look away, because I’m about to reveal something: sometimes I wish I was Atheist. The complete hecking truth is that sometimes I wish that I could believe in nothing. I wish I believed that once we die, we’re just left to rot in the ground and turn into fertiliser because that makes everything so much easier. But I can’t. I wish I could be left to my own devices and know that everything I’m doing is a product of my own decisions and who I’ve grown into, but I can’t. I know that I’m living based on a book, based on a religion that I so strongly believe in that I couldn’t escape if I wanted to. I so strongly believe in it, yet I don’t follow it completely. I hate feeling like I’m scared to die simply because of what happens afterwards. Death itself doesn’t bother me. I’d have probably killed myself a long time ago if it wasn’t a straight ticket to hell, so I guess I gotta thank religion for that.
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Don't lose any sleep tonight [Your end of 2017 goals]

Right so I was actually gonna write another ginormous shitpost but I didn’t know if that’d be a good idea, so I wrote this instead. Not as ~juicy~ (I hate that idiot word too), but PROBABLY MORE USEFUL. I dunno, maybe you enjoy reading about me being a crybaby? Let me know x
Anyway. You know what I love doing? Helping people when I’m trying to sort my own shit out. Need an ego boost? I’m here, you fucking beautiful non-snowflake. Need a pep talk? I’m your man, let’s get your shit together. Think you’re being a cunt? You probably are, let’s figure out what you’re doing wrong.
I thought about telling tell you my own end of year goals, but who cares about me, right??? Instead, I’ve used my time to SELFLESSLY compile a list that you, yes you personally, should make your end of year goals. Gawd, the things I do for this shitty ass blog.
There’s basically just a month and a half left of 2017. Gasp. Yes, I know, time is a man made concept. ‘New year new me’ is some bullshit. But I think we can all agree that there is a certain catharsis that comes with the end of a year, with a brand new calendar.
Without further ado.
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We don't ignite

‘Hmmm,’ she wonders, her fingers hovering over the trackpad of her brand new, photogenic rose gold Macbook. In front of her, to the right, are three pots of succulents, carefully placed next to a photo frame with nothing but the words ‘Carpe Diem’ in a curly font. She studies the mason jar on her left, filled halfway with a strawberry milkshake, carefully mixed to the exact shade of millennial pink, to complement the walls of her room, dotted with various edgy photographs in white frames.
She hesitates as she skims through the tabs open on safari.
‘5 favourite drugstore products’
‘Makeup Revolution: Naked dupe?’
‘Living with anxiety’
’10 Lipsticks every girl needs in her makeup bag’
‘What’s in my handbag?’
‘Screw it,’ she thinks out loud. Oozing with confidence and determination, she clicks on the tab that reads “Write new post”.
10 beauty hacks
She sighs out loud, relief and pride exiting her black-choker adorned throat.


Ahem. Sorry, that was a little rude.
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The best shows on Netflix right now

I’m not a serial killer.
Yes, Archer is probably my favourite show in the entire world. Closely followed by the Walking Dead. Yes, Krieger is one of my favourite fictional characters in the entire world, closely followed by Daryl.
No, the Walking Dead isn’t on Netflix.
I wish I could be the person who was really interested in only one genre so that you could trust my opinion on shows of that genre, except no I don’t because that would be boring. Instead, I watch different genres, but here’s the catch: I am so hard to impress when it comes to TV. Much like books, I rarely ever finish an entire series/keep up with new episodes. I hate it when people suggest shows to me and tell me to watch them because I’M SORRY BUT I WON’T WATCH IT. Which renders me writing this post a little bit ironic… but I’m never going to watch Game of Thrones. And I’m never going to watch Pretty Little Liars.
There are a few shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime that have impressed me, either now or in the past, and I’m about to list those of the Netflix variety here, because I feel like more people have Netflix than Prime. I also think that most people will have already watched some of what is on this list, but after conversing with a few people who have actually never seen any of the things I watch, I decided to do this.
Let me just reiterate – if I’m suggesting you watch something, you’d better believe it’s really good.  Let me also tell you that I have only watched every single episode of two shows on this list…
Jane the Virgin
This is my newest endeavour. I’ve been hearing so many good things about this show, but the title and the preview pictures made me go nah. It didn’t look like the kinda thing I would like – but no! This is actually really good. I’m only four episodes in, and I love Jane. I also love her and her fiancé. Do they really end up getting married? I’m guessing she ends up with the guy that that everyone is swooning over who, by the way, I don’t find attractive. Don’t tell me anything, I’ll start episode 5 today.
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