Haha, Eleven, get it, because I still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things.
Winter is upon us, (yes, Winter, because it’s getting really cold really fast) and it is thus time to break out the fat socks and double up your duvets. Yes, you can choose to stay in on a Friday night and not feel guilty about it. Yes, you can get out of bed at 12pm on Sunday and get back in at 8pm. Yes, it is time to eat a doner kebab and go straight to bed.
‘What can I do on a Friday night, k, if I’m not going out clubbing?‘ you ask? Well, friends, here is where I arrive in my usual grandiose style and hand you a list of the best movies ever made. I urge you to steadily make your way through these, savour every single minute, and finally present to me a 1,000 word essay on what you liked and didn’t like.
We don’t know when our last days are, so get cracking please x
The Deer Hunter
We’re not saving the best til last because I’m too excited, and if there is one movie you need to watch before you die, it is this. I’m not getting any younger, and the world is ending rapidly. This is MY FAVOURITE MOVIE in the whole entire world, and that is never going to change. This is it. This movie fucked me up so bad, it’s so fucking beautiful. Watch it. And then watch it again. And then compose yourself, clear your head, and watch it again a few months later.
The Godfather, part 1 and 2
Is any movie list complete without the first two Godfather movies? The answer is a big fat no. I first saw this movie when I was a child, and I didn’t appreciate it – I preferred Goodfellas. Growing up, however, I fully appreciate the intense storyline, the character development, the emotional resonance, the family drama. It’s really the only trilogy where the pre/sequel is just as good (if not better) than the first movie. We don’t talk about part 3 because Sofia Coppola is the worst.
The Shawshank Redemption
The best prison movie ever, of course. It took me way too long to watch this – don’t make the same mistake I did – it’s worth every second. I wasn’t ready for the plot twist.
Chuck Palahniuk is my favourite author, and of course, Fight Club is one of my favourite books. This is one of the rare times where the movie is almost just as good as the book. Whilst it’s inevitable that it won’t give you everything the book can, especially since Palahniuk is a goddamn master of words, it’s a very good adaptation of it. I used the book in my dissertation, and take it from me that an adaptation with Brad Pitt (one of the most talented and versatile actors) is great, but Edward Norton smashed it.
Monty Python’s The Life of Brian
‘Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?’
Bitch. Bish. Girl. M8. This is the funniest movie of all time. Of ALL TIME. If you watch one comedy in your life, make it this. There is nothing as funny as this, except probably Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This here is the epitome of British humour; I literally watch this movie a few times a year and I never get bored of it. ‘He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!‘ I could quote the whole thing. Please watch it with your man. If he doesn’t laugh, dump him.
The Green Mile
Hey guys, did you know I LOVE Tom Hanks? Like I love Tom Hanks. I love him. Tom Hanks I love. He’s my favourite. He was and is a babe, and all of his movies are great. This here was a battle with Philadelphia, and the Green Mile came out on top (even though Philadelphia made me cry like a bitch). Whilst it doesn’t quite reach Shawshank Redemption status for most, this is a Stephen King adaptation, so obviously can’t simply be placed in the category of ‘prison movie’. Tom Hanks really pulls the feels out of you, man. You know what, forget about this, just watch every single Tom Hanks movie.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Please don’t laugh. It took me 22 whole years to watch this. 22 and a half. I can’t believe I waited so long. I can’t believe I saw all these references and photos, and gifs of Clint Eastwood being as beautiful as he was, and never sat down to actually watch it. I guess I thought I didn’t really need to because Western movies are all the same… listen to me, Blondie. I was wrong. Learn from my mistakes. I now fully understand why it is so iconic.
WATCH THIS MOVIE. IF YOU CAN, WATCH IT WHEN YOU’RE HIGH, I HAVEN’T TRIED YET BUT LET ME KNOW. I first watched this in school, when my teacher wasn’t in – shout out Mr Johal. If Johal introduced you to something, you know it’s gonna be fucking cool. Spirited away is weird, it’s beautiful. It’s Studio Ghibli, it’s Hayao Miyazaki. What more can I say.
Léon: The Professional
EVERYYYYYYYONNNNEEEEE. I wanna go to a halloween party dressed as Leon and Mathilda. I love the relationship between them both; how, yes, they bond with NO PAEDOPHILIA AT ALL. This movie is iconic and Gary Oldman is … well, he’s Gary Oldman. A cult classic.
Ah, Quentin Tarantino. What a man, shut up about Weinstein for a bit. Yeah, Pulp Fiction was great, iconic, but I didn’t like it as much as this. I dunno what else I can say. It’s Tarantino. You know it’s gonna be good.
This is the Godfather for people who haven’t got any patience. It’s fast, it’s coke fuelled, it’s the gangster movie your MCM thinks represents his life. Alright, it’s not actually like the Godfather at all. It’s a gangster movie without family drama, without intensity. It’s a gangster movie that doesn’t require you to carefully listen to every single word. Ray Liotta is great.