I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve done a hey assbutt, aka one long bullshit rant. I guess I’ve kind of gotten my shit together in the sense that I don’t have the time to complain anymore, but alas; this part of me will continue to thrive.
Let’s talk about the L word. We all like to think about and not talk about the L word. We all like to talk about and not think about the L word. The L word is a stressful thing. I’m gonna do it.
To avoid confusion, I’m talking about ~romantic~ love. Gonna bump some MJ and begin.
Honestly, what even is love?
Platonic love is simple. One of the strongest feelings ever, because you don’t even have to like the person to love them, to care about them, to want the best for them and to be there for them always.
Romantic love is more annoying, but I haven’t properly felt it. I once thought I did, but in hindsight, I was terribly, inconceivably, dangerously wrong and it makes me nauseous. I have a good idea of what it is, and I would love to confirm it, but I’m not about to risk my heart for the wrong person. I, too, am cringing at the soppiness of that sentence so I’ll bring it down a notch right about now.
I guess it boils down to a perfect equilibrium of physical and mental attraction. Some might say… a balance. I know I’ll only find that with someone I want to bang every day for the rest of my life who’s also gonna pick my mind, confide in me and make me trust them. But finding that seems impossible and daunting, and I’ve just been running away. There’s the prototype; we have to be attracted to the person, they have to make us laugh and enjoy their company, they have to make us feel secure and important. I’m living in a venn diagram where I haven’t really met anybody in the middle of those three, which is where I think ‘love’ grows.
I know that when I do love, I’m gonna love way too hard. So I tend to back off if I find myself liking someone a bit too much. I don’t have time to cry and my eyeliner costs £20.
In a world of social media, casual dating, tinder, and fuckboys, I don’t know where love lies. Men can’t be faithful, women play games, and nobody is real. I don’t know how to feel, I didn’t know what to look for, so I stopped looking. I know people miss out on the opportunity to find it because the aforementioned make it so much easier to hop from person to person, to ‘explore your options’.
Which is bullshit.
I don’t know how people have the time and energy to entertain multiple people at the same time, and constant small talk doesn’t interest me. If I’ve known you for a while and I still feel like I don’t know anything about you, the ship has already sailed before you can even know it. When I want to talk to someone, I want to talk. I mean communicate in every conceivable way, both the good and bad. Tell me when you’re happy, tell me when you’re pissed.
Attraction without a connection will fade. Physical attraction is important, but it means nothing in the long run – a spark is different to a connection. Anybody can make you feel good physically, you just need to shut your eyes. That shit isn’t going to make me fall in love with you. If I’m attracted to you, if you don’t need to fuck with multiple girls, if you match my energy and make a real effort, I’m kaput. There’s something about a guy who is vocal about how he feels, who is confident in himself enough to not give his time to everyone, to not need validation from hundreds of women, that is painfully attractive. That is someone you can love. It doesn’t come by often, but it does exist.
PSA: Girls, do not cry over a guy who’s only/always following girls on his social media, who’s always looking to get to know other women in order to keep his options open, who gets gassed off attention from women. You cannot love a man like that. I can’t even like a man like that. That is a boy. Same goes for guys. Don’t cry over a woman who is entertaining every man that comes her way. Ultimately, you should never feel like you’re competing with anyone. Do not let your love grow for someone who sees you as an option, rather than appreciating you as the best thing they can have, do not let your love grow for someone who enjoys making you jealous.
Maybe I’m way too deep about this because I’m a creative. We have a passion that can’t be matched; I’m not about to beef your logical brain with my heart. With love comes pain and explosive fights; when you care, you get hurt, quick maths. But if you find something worth investing in, invest, before it’s too late.
I’m going off on a real tangent, which is probably the worst thing about these hey assbutts. The problem with talking about something like love is you can’t really categorise what you’re saying and you can’t really finish it either; it will branch into other topics, which is why there’s gonna be a part 2. It’s one long, ongoing conversation that just never ends and I’m just talking to myself.
PHOTO CREDIT: Slop