PSA: Social media is fucking you up

Out of touch with reality hoes

“Every form of addiction is bad , no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine, or idealism.”

 – Carl Gustav Jung

 

Imagine you sign a contract with a ghost, in which that ghost fucks you in the ass very violently all day every day for years in return for some meaningless validity. You forget about it until one day you just feel a gaping void down there and you urgently need to fill it with some toxic ghost dick even though it’s ruining your life now that you are aware you need it in order to feel normal and validated. That ghost dick, my friend, is social media.

Fuckin’ you in the ass as you read this.

I think I wrote something about social media a long time ago, both pros and cons. Of course, I’m a lot older and inevitably bitter now, which means my sentiments towards social media have become… hostile. I’m frequently talking a lot of shit on Twitter and posting pictures nobody wants to see on Instagram. I’m not old enough for Facebook yet because I don’t have friends with babies (step on it girls, yeah?) But the past few months I’ve been disgusted with social media despite being very active on it and I’m just.. sick of it. I’m sick of it all and I want to disappear off the internet.

In the grand scheme of things, social media is great, considering how far we’ve come in the world.

One of the best things is how easy it is to find information that mainstream news outlets won’t tell you – not in a timely manner, anyway. You can find out exactly whats going on in most parts of the world. Had we only the BBC and the Sun to give us information, we’d be perfectly ignorant, brainwashed individuals fitting for an Orwell novel. Probably racist too. But we have Twitter to spread videos of racist police officers, we have viral pictures of mutilated babies and children as a result of angry men in high places, we have pictures and videos of destroyed buildings in the Middle East, we have posts about developed and beautiful places in Africa and Asia where our old racist school teachers had us believe it was all barren and everyone was starving to death. We have pictures of missing children with contact details, and a simple click of a button from a few hundred people has helped find them. We know more about what’s going on in other parts of the world because we hear from people in other parts of the world; gaining information is easier, and it’s harder to excuse racism and xenophobia. Information is fed to us, we don’t need to dig deep for it anymore.

Social media allows people to go viral, it allows small businesses free advertisement and that’s beautiful. I’ve seen people successfully share their art, their photography, their writing, their messages. We have instagram, which helps keep us momentarily happy because of fire memes. The little things, you know? It helps you meet like minded people, might meet the love of your life, it helps keep friendships alive and hanging by a thread, but thats about where the positives come to an end. Now I can complain.

Relationships are negatively affected

Those aforementioned friendships? Shallow. We don’t really talk to our friends, we don’t catch up with people anymore. We just send memes and laughing emojis when we’re really doing little more than blowing air through our noses with a straight face. Instead of saying ‘so what’s new?’ we’re saying ‘LOOOOOOOOOL’ and not speaking again for weeks. We have too many acquaintances because its easy to keep a friendship barely alive without having to actually see each other. A meme a day keeps the friendship bond away.

Toxic masculinity and shitty personalities

Memes about Future as the King of Toxicity, posts about comforting your female friend by grabbing her ass, jokes about cheating on your man and using him for his money. Grown people are really engaging in content like this and thinking it’s funny. Toxicity isn’t cute. Refusing to openly love your girl doesn’t make you a man. Expecting your man to pay on every date doesn’t make you a bad bitch.

Suicide rates for men are abysmal and, whilst I have done no research due to this being a true word vomit post, I wouldn’t be surprised if social media has a part to play. Men do not speak up and, after seeing the state of their brethren on social media, I don’t blame them – I just hope they have people to turn to when Twitter is telling them to snort cocaine and fuck bitches. Depression is painted as a feminine illness on social media, because all you need to do is engage in yoga and eat salads and your depression will magically disappear. The world has been slightly feminised, which has amped up toxicity and now everyone suffers because of it. Not all men are trash – men on social media are trash.

Promiscuity is rife and sexuality is too.. sexual.

Unsurprisingly then, social media has fucked up relationships and dating, horribly. It’s easier to cheat, and people do cheat. Liking another girls picture is no different to walking up to a girl and saying ‘aye, you look sexy’; you’re giving another girl that attention from you, what’s the difference? DMing a girl is no different to asking a girl for her number and texting her; it’s just easier to do and people don’t think of it as wrong because it’s just there. Your boyfriend is following other girls so he can ogle their pictures, and Twitter is telling you you’re controlling for not being okay with that. ‘I don’t want to post you because of evil eye,’ hun, he’s keeping his options open so other girls think he’s single. But you already know that. Men used to have to work to receive nudes, and a woman was considered a slut for complying. Now all you gotta do is log onto Instagram and a 17 year old girl is arching her back on her bed half naked.

It has redefined and eradicated the idea of Love

Love doesn’t exist, showing affection is ‘gay’, women apparently like assholes and men want plastic bitches. All the bullshit that has turned men toxic and women bitchy is the reason I can’t get cuddles and flowers from a loyal man who wants to meet my dad, you bastards. Car park dates are too common, and women are too scared to show affection. Social media tells everyone it’s cool to be toxic and heartless, that you shouldn’t expect commitment until you’re in your 30s; men shouldn’t show love to their woman and women shouldn’t want to look after their men. Asking ‘what are we’ is psycho, talking stages last months, situationships are the norm, relationships are rare. It’s hard to find something real, and it’s hard to maintain something real because people don’t want to commit, they would rather easily walk away than fix something. Nobody communicates and they’d rather walk because they have options. People are disposable and nobody wants to invest themselves and social media tells everybody that this is how it’s meant to be. Proving to social media how toxic you are? Congratulations, you’re a sheep.

You’re constantly comparing yourself to things that don’t exist

A lot of people talk for the sole reason of impressing everyone. People say what they think others want to hear, people post what they want others to think of them. Post some bullshit, gain followers, say more bullshit, those followers spread your bullshit, Twitter becomes overrun with bullshit and millions of minds all over the world are influenced. That’s how we have come to the shitfuckery we’re at now. I remember when Twitter used to be funny. Now, everyday, I’m seeing a bunch of girls in their late teens and early twenties posting selfies and getting retweeted a thousand times with nothing else to offer… and of course stupid men convince the pretty girls they’re funny. Girls convince the sexy guys they’re funny. None of you are funny or have anything good to say, why are you coming to Twitter? Men are doing the selfie shit too now, what are you doing you bitch boy? Talking about how much money you’re making and how much of a slut you are because you go through women like they’re nothing? Are you trying to impress your boys? I’m so tired of it.

Having said that, Instagram is a shambles too. It was a great place to post pictures; I’m talking photography and selfies. But now we have Instagram models and shitty makeup artists that are making girls feel insecure – believe in your sauce, man. I honestly can’t help but laugh when I see men ogling over pictures that are very clearly edited. Her skin is not that smooth, her waist is not that slim and the doorframe is bending. Men are out here stunting with rented cars and posting pictures in IKEA kitchens and nobody knows any different. People chat so much shit on Twitter, and nobody knows what the truth actually is. ‘Don’t judge me based off my twitter’, except I will. If you’re a dickhead on social media, you’re a dickhead in real life.

The perfect lives people pretend to have are just that – pretence. But people go with it, people believe it, and people believe these are higher beings who are at a better place in their life. They look better, they have more money, they’re happier, they have more friends, their relationship is perfect. Apparently. And it depresses people because they’re constantly comparing themselves. It doesn’t exist, it’s all bullshit.

If you’re easily influenced, social media cannot be for you until you grow a brain and know who you are.

Spreading misinformation

Social media is rife with fake news. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen viral videos of torture and murder calling for sympathy because it’s to do with China or Syria….except those videos are in fact completely out of context and have been taken from a documentary about Nazi Germany. The Simpsons photo where they were predicting the coronavirus? It was edited and you’re all stupid for believing it and spreading it. People edit their photos, what makes you think literally anything in the world can’t be doctored to fit an agenda?

There are stupid opinions, even wrong opinions, but having a lot of followers gives you a platform. Small people without brains see those with a lot of followers as leaders, so they allow themselves to be led… by this normal human being who happens to have a lot of other stupid people following them, you actual pillock. It’s brainwashing. You don’t even know it’s happening. One normal person with thousands of followers will say something reckless and, like circus monkeys, you’re all heheing under their post and telling them they’re right because you think you agree with the majority and you want a pat on the head. Idiots. Grow a brain.

People are stupid

Fitting. People are so fucking stupid it gets on my tits and this is the biggest reason I want to disappear. Particularly 17-21 year olds who have ruined everything, as they do. I can deal with the racist old people because they’re grown adults with no real following and they’re going to die through their stupidity anyway. I just laugh at Barbara telling the Pakis to get out of her lovely Britain. Brexit means Brexit, Hassan, go back to your dirty country but leave the kebab shops here will ya.

But younger people have a complex; they think their education makes them smart, they think their freshness means they know what they’re talking about. But you are young and dumb. Everyday a ‘woke’ individual will talk bullshit about feminism or racism. Race wars. Asians are elite, Arab women are top tier, black men will break your heart, white people can’t cook. One Pakistani punched one Somali so let’s punch up every dirty Paki and make a hashtag out of it. Everyday racism, but also everyday people thinking its okay to spew hatred towards white people because ‘reverse racism isn’t a thing because racism depends on the systematic blah blah blah’ so that makes it okay for you to be a cxnt. Are you thick? Were you dropped on the head as a baby?

The same generation that complains about racism is the one keeping it alive. Do you need to be locked up in solitary confinement so you can be left alone with your own stupid thoughts in the hope that it will drive you mad enough to kill yourself?

Mental illness and the rise of the snowflake

Speaking of killing yourself, let’s have a bit of a moan about social media and mental health. This is a big fuckery that pisses me off on a daily basis because why does nobody ever talk about the fact that depression can give you major memory loss? I’m joking, I’m being an asshole, I’m busting your balls.

I’m gonna say it right now; I don’t care about depression and anxiety on social media. I have suffered in the past myself, and I don’t care because the Instagram posts about depression, the ones with thousands of likes are all bullshit. I don’t care to see tweets about depression because I see them all the fucking time. How many times will I see ‘the happiest people are the saddest’? How many times must I see ‘check on your friends’? How many times must I look at this and think ‘this isn’t depression, fuck off’? I’ve seen countless people tweet the exact same thing and it’s been nothing more than a means to gain popularity.

Nobody really gives a fuck about mental illness unless it’s romanticised to fit nicely between the rest of the Tweets on your timeline. Maybe you’re trying to impress someone. Maybe you think you now have depression because you slept a little too much in which case, go to bed and stop tweeting. Fuck Twitter for telling people that depression is when you’re a little sad, fuck Twitter for telling people that bipolar disorder is having mood swings and lashing out at your boyfriend until he feeds you. Fuck Instagram for posting a picture of the cute girl with disheveled hair and a coffee cup and not the one of the boy with dark circles and protruding ribcage because his schizophrenia is keeping him up at night.

Social media is telling everybody they have a mental illness and it makes it harder for people who actually suffer. Tell someone you’re feeling depressed and they’ll give you a hug, make you a hot chocolate, and tell you ‘it’s okay, I’ve been there too. Just go for a jog and talk to your family’ whilst rubbing your back. Tell someone you’re seeing dead people hanging from the ceiling and every night you watch yourself sleeping from the corner of your room and they’ll run far away because thats not the kind of mental illness Twitter taught them about, oh god you freak, what the fuck is this, I don’t know what that is. Not everything is a mental illness and your depression is most likely bullshit. You’re a bit sad. Until you have taken it upon yourself to research, don’t comment on mental illness.

There we go, rant over. Social media is an addiction, and the first step is to accept it. If you’re opening up Twitter first thing in the morning, you’re addicted. If you’re keeping tabs on how many likes you’re getting, you know the drill. All I’ma say is social media is poison. Try logging off every now and then. Wean yourself off the ghost dick.

Until then, send memes.

Now Playing: No Role Modelz – J Cole

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