Sorry. After a long, long break following my dissertation deadline, I’m back and I’m pissed off.
I must have missed the memo.
Since when was the ability to speak English a marker of intelligence? Since when was it necessary for one to measure themselves against your bullshit standard of superiority in order to be validated? In my opinion, Germans do everything better, and Asians are some of the most driven people I’ve ever come across. So why don’t we measure intelligence based on how well we can speak German, or Korean?
‘Because English is an international language’, I hear you cry. SO????
Say it with me: YOUR ABILITY TO SPEAK ENGLISH SHOWS NOTHING EXCEPT YOUR ABILITY TO SPEAK ENGLISH!!!! LITERALLY JUST THAT!!! Not your intelligence, not your character, not your worth, literally nothing else!!!!! And then say it louder for the uncultured folk at the back.
English is not pre-wired into our brains. You have to learn it. You, a native English speaker, had to learn it. Whilst it may be hard for you to realise, those of you who say ‘lol you can’t even speak English properly’ were pushed out of the vagina screaming and crapping yourself and not being able to speak a damn word of anything until your fed-up mother began cursing around you and your first word was ‘shit’. And then you went on the rest of your life being able to speak English, only English, and you even suck at that. Do you even know how to use a semicolon? Do you know in which situations you should use ‘who’ and ‘whom’? Sit down.
Read more
Tag: english
Thoughts I've had mid-dissertation
So..my dissertation is due in exactly 2 months and I’m only now attempting to pick up pace; I only really work well under pressure. And when you’re really under pressure you start seeing things and hearing things. Those little kids laughing at 3am last night? Not real! Those shadows creeping behind the door? I hope they weren’t real! Hearing a song on repeat and sounding like it’s playing from inside your head and ears? Amazing! The dissertation engulfs your life. In sixth form your teachers will drum it into your head that a levels are harder than a degree. Ha.
This is false. You go from sixth form to first year of uni and WOAH. I’m doing 6 months worth of A-level work in 2 weeks here. And I’m expected to have PRIOR knowledge! But then you get to year three and hahahahhahaaahahahahahahaha
Honestly. It’s so hard. An English degree has to be one of the hardest and most time consuming, most brain-frying, most rewarding degrees ever, I’ll fight anyone on this. It’s not multiple choice and it’s not the application of facts and equations. You actually have to DO STUFF. LEARN STUFF. RESEARCH STUFF PLUSSS HAVE YOUR OWN RELEVANT OPINIONS! Like you need to create new arguments and approaches in a world where there are already 1000 opinions on any given topic.
Read more
I can only build if I tear the walls down
You know what’s shit? When you miss the Optimum Nutrition black Friday deal.
I’m gonna talk about advice-giving. Advising?
I don’t like giving advice. Because a) I don’t care, b) I can’t deal with strangers who cry and c) you won’t listen anyway. This is how the human brain works; people want ‘advice’, but what they’re really looking for is their own opinion wrapped up and fed to them in a caramel latte. I don’t believe in this.
Let me give you a preview of my self-proclaimed world class advice. This sample is relationship heavy because, let’s face it, 90% of people are looking for relationship advice. Here you go, friends.
Read more
Reasons your twenties aren’t so bad
I mean, I’m not qualified enough to talk about what it’s like being in your twenties, as I’ve only just about existed for over two decades. Two whole decades. Wow.
But life doesn’t change that much between 21 and 25 right? [It does]. I’m not a teenager anymore and, though I still live with my parents and have yet to finish my degree and start adulting, I feel ready for adulthood. In my mind, I am a fully grown 27 year old woman. Where are my children.
Basically, your early 20s are great. Because you’re an adult [yeah, you still can’t sit with the adults when you’re 18], BUT you’re not adult enough to do the adult things required of a 25 year old. Like have a stable career and 65 children. You’re an adult but you’re still forgiven for being a child. Amazing. Let’s begin. Read more
Social media – part two.
People are trying to perfect a perfect version of themselves on the internet, someone who looks happy, well travelled, beautiful. Social media will have you believing that a hoe is actually a respectable girl, that a dickhead knows how to treat a woman. It’ll have you believing that a straight little nerd is taking drugs they don’t even know about, and that the guy with a yacht and 5 cars is happy and living the dream.
I touched on the minor aspects of social media in the last post, but I’m about to get into the better part of it. In a nutshell, an addiction to social media makes people miserable or narcissistic. Probably both.
Read more
What I’m Reading [July]
I’m hoping there are other people like me, because I am an idiot. Throughout my first two years of university I, once an avid bookworm and arguable favourite of the English literature department at school, began to loathe reading. I even subscribed to TWO analysis websites [yes, I paid for them] just so I wouldn’t have to actually read the books and do any work. And then I realised that we actually had to do work in preparation for class, so I just didn’t turn up. What a role model I am.
Anyway, I’ve always been a stubborn mule and the summer holidays are proof of this, because I’m now currently reading four different books. Or I was at the time of writing this.
It’s like this: tell me to do it and I won’t. I’ll do it if and when I want. The books that I’m currently reading are WILDLY different to each other, and I like to do this so that I can move onto something different; when non-fiction gets too heavy I can move onto gothic to give me a drastically different setting, and then onto crime to bring me nicely back into the real world. Here’s what I’m reading.
Read more