You want to know something astonishing? I know people who have no hobbies.
I know, I can’t believe it either. I have a shit life, but imagine having no hobbies. Wow. What do you do with your life? Don’t you even follow a sport or like photography, or some kind of art? I’ve seen the social medias of people who do nothing but take selfies and go out all the time and I fall into the most depressive mood. For them. Then I appreciate the fact that I’m not a talentless, goalless and boring airhead. I might be ugly. And weird. But that’s better than being the former.
So, I thought I’d compile a list of how easy it is to gain a hobby, because I realised I never feel unfulfilled simply because I have a number of hobbies. Pause – gain a hobby, that sounded funny. Unpause. I meet people who feel bored, or who feel unsatisfied with their life, or are simply waiting for something to happen to them. If you had hobbies, my friend, you wouldn’t have this issue. Fortunately, your favourite ugly is here to help give you some inspiration. Here are mine, but remember; to thine own self be true*. (*Famous tumblr quote).
Brace yourselves, because you’re about to see a whole lot of photos from one of the best days ever.
As soon as I found out the event was going to take place on Wednesday, I cleared my schedule straight away (which consisted solely of getting hours of beauty sleep before graduation on Thursday) and got there for 12. I had some questions like: you’re graduating tomorrow, wyd???? True, I wasn’t prepared at all. But f1 comes first even if it means graduating with a spotty face and dark circles.
Lucky I did get there early, too. The crowds were minimal and I ended up getting a very, very good view of the ‘track’. A few hours later and it was swarming.
Unfortunately, having a good view of the track meant I wasn’t close enough to see Nico (my favourite ever) close up on stage… or anyone else for that matter. But I saw them walk past on the road, and I could still see them on stage, so it’s alright. We had to pick: road or stage. I picked the road, because I went to see them drive more than I went to watch them talk. Obviously. (I admit, I was a little upset and not seeing Bastille close up.)
I’d still pick the smell of those cars any day. High octane fuel. Burning rubber. Mmm. Get in my lungs.
Anyway, after a long day, and going back to see the cars after the show, some pushing and shoving from people who were clearly not F1 fans, I got home late enough to frantically worry because I remembered GRADUATION!!! I had an amazing post-f1 glow, which was perfect for the high definition photos I’d be featured in on Thursday. Highlighting my ugly.
In other news, without discussing the absolutely mAD race today at Silverstone, who’s excited for Williams next month??? Because I am. I’m going to watch it alone. Twice. Or maybe thrice.
Notice how I didn’t talk about Lewis Hamilton because I didn’t want to see him anyway. I literally went for everyone else. I’ll talk about him later.
I’m salivating in my misery too.
Oh yeah, in said misery, I forgot to say it’s Ramadan…
I’ve noticed a few people have been reading this old Ramadan post that I wrote last year, so I should really come back with another one. The problem is, I don’t really have much to add to that post. So, er… Isn’t it weird and beautiful how the weather suddenly took a turn for the cooler/windier/rainier as soon as Ramadan began?
I do have some questions. Why are girls posting snaps of themselves half naked, and snaps from weeks ago from when they were in the club? Wherefore? I don’t know what guys are doing but I’m guessing taking videos of themselves driving in their car with music on? I say that because girls are doing it and guys are even more douchey.
I digress. I’m supposed to be trying to stay positive.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m very lethargic this year. I’m finding it difficult, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the acceptability of snacking at 1am. Once again, I’m losing muscle and fat in the wrong places.
Anyway enough about me, shut up, here are some dos and don’ts:
Today’s prompt: A new thing to try
Starting to work towards a completely new future that I’m not prepared for.
Okay, let’s start small. I realise these posts are just a way to distract myself.
I want to travel. I don’t travel. I have never been anywhere except two family holidays which don’t count because I was young.
I wrote a couple of posts before about how important it is to explore the city you’re in, how important it is to build up the friendships you have in those places. Ironically, I didn’t follow those words after that.
But now I can, and I will. I’ll start by fully enjoying London, and then hopefully, unless the political climate worsens, everywhere else in Europe (except France, fuck France). Either with willing friends or by myself. I want to go, just go, I want long weekends in Austria, Sweden, Germany. I’ll even go to Morocco. I just want to get out of this country for a while, this city. I want to get away from all the toxicity around me; I don’t want a fancy hotel and an expensive trip. I just need a flight and somewhere to sleep.
When all the world is going to shit, I mean really shit, I have one way of coping. I’m talking really, really shit. I mean past all the ‘my life is shit‘ kind of shit and into the ‘well, shit‘ kind of shit. I’m talking the kind of shit where you can’t do anything but sit and listen to music and stare at a wall, because laying in bed means you’re alone with your thoughts for too long than you’re comfortable with and soon enough your pillow starts warping into the image of a faceless person. The kinda shit where you don’t even consider self harm because you don’t want attention from anybody and what’s the point in doing it unless you’re actually ready to kill yourself.
So yeah, as you guessed, the coping mechanism is a song. I’m not going to lie, as lame as that sounds, and as much as I wished I had an actual person as my coping mechanism, this song is important to me. It has helped me through many a terrible time and I was thankful for it in the good times. As Bob Ross said, we gotta have a little sadness, right?
Nobody knows about this song. Not a single soul. And that isn’t about to change, at least not for a long time now – I’ll probably take it to the grave with me. I’ll never use a lyric as a blog post title, it is that sacred to me. But, as this is an entire post dedicated to the song, I’ve used one of the words as the title. You’re welcome. I’ve told people what my ‘favourite songs’ are, but never about this. It’s not Belief. It’s not Superheroes. It’s not Grace. I have never even spoken about the fact that such a song exists until now.
I’m just trying to find a friend that I can kick back with.
Maybe listen to Fleetwood Mac for hours whilst getting shit done. Write music. Sing songs with so much passion at the top of our lungs and convince ourselves we wrote them.
Or take some mescaline (thanks, Kurt) and see who can come up with the wildest stories (whilst listening to Jeff Buckley) and draw. Stare at the ceiling and talk about literally everything. Rant and talk shit about the people we hate. Tell them my struggles and not be judged or ridiculed or ignored. Someone who will be there whether it’s 4pm or 4am.
I want to be high as hell when I tell them something that’s bothering me, and they’ll be high as yike defending me to the death and coming up, in the utmost seriousness, with an elaborate plan to kill whoever pissed me off. And we’ll both believe it’ll happen even though later on we’ll laugh about it. But they weren’t joking and I’d have to stop them from doing something insane.
Reserve Sundays for formula 1, obviously.
It’s me. I’m describing myself.