Vogue Parody: 73 questions with k

I really just be here.. minding my own business, and then I get a notification telling me that Abbie has posted. Excitement, joy, happiness.

Anyway I’m now sat here sneezing and coughing for whatever reason. I don’t recall being exposed to a sick person recently, so I have nobody to be pissed off at, and it’s pissing me off. Wherefore am I sick? From whence did these germs come to terrorise me?

I’m also trying to get my creative juices (ew, vagina) flowing, but my brain is so broken right now that I can’t even chat shit. I’ve seen these Vogue videos (I distinctly remember learning that Bella Hadid is Horse Girl™), and I’ve been pretty mad that I’m not famous, simply for the fact that I wanna be asked all these questions. Lo and behold, I have been tagged and it’s my time to shine.

Whilst you’re here, check out Abbie’s post too if you haven’t already. In an ideal world, anything I’d ever have to read in life would be written by her.
Let’s go.
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The Versatile Blogger Award

Yes, you read that right. All that time spent indoors and trying to create a semblance of an online presence. God loves ugly x

Sooooo I was nominated by Abbie (who is so hecking nice, follow her on everything right now) for the Versatile Blogger Award and seeing that made me go ‘!!!!!’.
I’m really, really picky with everything in life. Just like generally. I’m picky with what I wear, with who I talk to, with the movies I watch. I’m not picky with food tho. Don’t ever ask me where I want to eat because I don’t know!!! I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I AM A FAT GANNET I’LL EAT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
I am also picky with the things that I read; if I don’t like the writing style or the content is too uniform and boring, I’ll just never visit that blog again. Soz. So listen to me when I tell you to check out Abbie’s blog: I love her writing style and really look forward to reading what she posts next. I’m probably gonna have a go at those body scrubs cos ain’t nobody got time to throw £500 at Lush.
I never knew about the ‘blogger community’ until Twitter, and I’ve learnt that this is one that involves support and positivity. It’s so much nicer than catty, bitchy competitiveness that you see everywhere (amongst girls, really). Hopefully more guys get into blogging; it’s cooler than you think. Everyone is cool. Nobody tears anybody down. And that’s exactly what this award about. I suppose I’m a ‘versatile’ blogger in that I’m a dumb idiot who doesn’t have a theme and instead vomits out all the shit that lies in my head. Oops.
Anyway. So I gotta give you seven facts about myself. This is “let’s go around the room and say something interesting about ourselves”, isn’t it? Alright.

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Falling for you somehow, Autumn

I think the daddy longlegs have finally disappeared, but I don’t wanna speak too soon so hopefully they can’t read.
I hate to be another lifestyle blogger talking about Autumn, but I can’t help it. I wait the entire year just for this season.
There are just some things about Autumn that make you feel calm, comfortable, and less angry about life. Everything desaturates, the air is clearer, the leaves fall orange on patchy grass, the sun is less intense so you can actually see the road ahead. It’s the season of chilling the heck out, slowing everything right down and re-evaluating your life. Autumn is comfort. Autumn is me having Blossom on repeat because it’s the best album of 2017 and I have a newfound love for it this season.
But I digress. I have a bad habit of getting deep and philosophical about things the way I just did. Time to get right into the good stuff, and what I believe are the best things about Autumn.
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Sonnet 18, or an ode to benzos

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate
Thou calmest me most
When thou art blue –
Like the sky that houses the sun.
 
Ah the sun; so warming, joyful, happy
But sometimes scorching all my worries
Burning them down to ashes
Their fumes wafting their way back into me;
Like a phoenix, the ashes resurrect,
Bursting upwards from the ground
And slapping me straight in the goddamn face
As the summer reminds me;
you must be happy.
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An ode to the locals

Flat face, I share this trait
With a face so flat
I like the way you tuck your trousers
Into your socks like that.
Shaking hands, concealing pills
When I see the police
I, too, feel the thrill.
What a herd, what companions
You all look the same
Dogs walking dogs
So cool, much amaze.
So poetic and graceful
Billy Shakez just quivers
In his grave. Read more

Anywhere I go I make the gang go [Wales journal]

PSA: My heart belongs to North Wales. This is a long overdue post.
I always say I hate the shithole in which I live, but that I would never leave London unless I was going to Finland/somewhere in Scandinavia. Well, except I ABSOLUTELY WOULD!!!! To North Wales.
The last time we went to south Wales everybody was racist, so bye.
 
I love Snowdonia. I love Conwy. I love Llandudno. I love the people, the accent, the air. I am not a people person really, but everyone here is so nice!!! I love it!! It makes me wanna be a better person. I love that nobody litters. That actually warmed my cold, dead (joking, it’s warm, bloody, and very much beating) heart. I didn’t see that many bins, but nobody threw anything on the floor (except a couple banana skins on the mountain, hashtag slow release energy). I love that everywhere you go, you can see mountains. I love all the streams and I love that there are sheep literally EVERYWHERE. I’m not a beach person. But I am a mountain person. I am definitely a free-roaming-animals-in-the-street person.
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