Every time you try to forget who I am, I’ll be right there to remind you again
I know. And yes I did mean this decade. And yes I am here again, a mere week after my last post. It’s pissing down outside, which makes it a fine day to rant.
We’re only halfway through February, we’ve barely grazed the new decade, and I feel like I’ve been hit in the face with a million lessons and gained another five years of life experience. I’m just hoping it doesn’t show on my face, so I’m frantically blurting it out onto a new post in the hope that it doesn’t settle into my fine lines.
Lesson number one, typing on a MacBook with long ass nails does not a good idea make.
Haha, is that me?
I’ve been so busy recently, but at the same time… not. I’ve been speaking to more people, landing myself in new situations and, more often than not, have been increasingly finding myself staring into an imaginary camera. Some days I’m Jim. Other days I’m Michael. But most days I’m Jim. I am, however, always Patrick Bateman… And Dwight.
There are things I believe that I thought were common sense, but obviously not. I quit my job, I reconnected with people, I decided I was gonna be done with bullshit once and for all, and, as of recently, have decided to become the me I always tried to be. Uncensored and transparent. You thought you liked me before, wait till you see me now!!!!!!!
So I guess this post is inspired by the reason I have so many frown lines, and the reason I look into the aforementioned imaginary camera. Sometimes you just want to pick someone up and shake them and scream ‘I JUST WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU’ but you can’t because you’re 5″2, so you have to settle with a rant on WordPress.
Let’s go, the clock is ticking.
Institutional education doesn’t make you a better or a worse person Read more
I’m so old.
I mean I don’t really care. I feel like I’ve been old for a while now, but it’s so weird finding out that someone is 17 and realising they’re a whole hecking 6 years younger than me. I can’t believe people born in 2000 will be 18 this year, that’s so weird, they’re supposed to be babies??? Now that I’m really rooted in in my 20s, I’m looking at 18 year olds and honestly wondering why they’re all idiots. Was I like that too? Because I hope not. I hear people saying stuff like ‘I’m 32 I’m so old’ and I’m like ??? You’re literally a spring chicken??
I don’t know if I’ve done one of these posts before, which is surprising because I often like to pretend I’m a wise old man who has lived 50 lives. In reality, I don’t have ‘life’ experience, per se. I just like to rant, so here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces can’t deny it can’t pretend that I talk a load of shite.
These past years I, myself, have learnt a few things. I’ve learnt that I CAN socialise. I realise how much of a better person you become after interacting with people from all walks of life. I realised that life is short and we’re all going to die so I don’t worry too much about the future. As long as I’m doing what I want, it can’t go that wrong. I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY GODDAMNIT. And stable. That too. But happy. Let’s begin.
Happy New Year, I say in the middle of January.
I was AWOL for a long, long time. A time in which I rapidly grew, though sadly only in mind, and not in height, but it’s alright because I made up for that by buying platforms in the sales. I suddenly had a bunch of shit to talk about but I realised I can’t really shitpost before talking about the new year because that would be a real debbie-downer way to start 2018 off. So, here I am, telling you that NEW YEAR NEW ME, except not really because I started doing all this in about November last year. You know why? Because I’m a stubborn mule and I didn’t want to say I changed on January 1st.
But anyway, I found these big ass notebooks on the clearance shelf in WHSmith and it really inspired me to get my shit together, especially because, being the hoarder I am, I bought two and had to justify doing so. The first post I wrote was, of course, my new years resolutions – which are different from my 2018 goals, so watch this space. The good thing about these resolutions is that, ignoring the last one, they can be taken on board by pretty much anyone. Hope you consider these cos I’m on the path to complete wellness and hope you can join me on this wild ride xxxxxxxxxx
Right so I was actually gonna write another ginormous shitpost but I didn’t know if that’d be a good idea, so I wrote this instead. Not as ~juicy~ (I hate that idiot word too), but PROBABLY MORE USEFUL. I dunno, maybe you enjoy reading about me being a crybaby? Let me know x
Anyway. You know what I love doing? Helping people when I’m trying to sort my own shit out. Need an ego boost? I’m here, you fucking beautiful non-snowflake. Need a pep talk? I’m your man, let’s get your shit together. Think you’re being a cunt? You probably are, let’s figure out what you’re doing wrong.
I thought about telling tell you my own end of year goals, but who cares about me, right??? Instead, I’ve used my time to SELFLESSLY compile a list that you, yes you personally, should make your end of year goals. Gawd, the things I do for this shitty ass blog.
There’s basically just a month and a half left of 2017. Gasp. Yes, I know, time is a man made concept. ‘New year new me’ is some bullshit. But I think we can all agree that there is a certain catharsis that comes with the end of a year, with a brand new calendar.
Without further ado.
Haha, Eleven, get it, because I still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things.
Winter is upon us, (yes, Winter, because it’s getting really cold really fast) and it is thus time to break out the fat socks and double up your duvets. Yes, you can choose to stay in on a Friday night and not feel guilty about it. Yes, you can get out of bed at 12pm on Sunday and get back in at 8pm. Yes, it is time to eat a doner kebab and go straight to bed.
‘What can I do on a Friday night, k, if I’m not going out clubbing?‘ you ask? Well, friends, here is where I arrive in my usual grandiose style and hand you a list of the best movies ever made. I urge you to steadily make your way through these, savour every single minute, and finally present to me a 1,000 word essay on what you liked and didn’t like.
We don’t know when our last days are, so get cracking please x