Ridiculous things I've heard this Ramadan

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Except this time, they’re from Muslims.

We’re halfway through Ramadan and I can’t tell whether it’s going really fast or really slow. It’s harder, I cannot lie. I am but a shell of myself, a zombie going into work with shit skin and minimal words. I see everything 3 seconds after it actually happens.

I think I wrote something last year-ish about questions I’ve heard during Ramadan in general. I’ve grown up since then. I’m older, wiser, angrier. Very impatient. I have no time for ignorance and stupid people, and the more time I spend on twitter, watching the influx of 17-21 year olds spew their bullshit, I’m seeing more ridiculous opinions and lack of education. Lack of self-awareness. Lack of consideration. Kids these days really look for any reason to be offended – it’s like they enjoy the idea of being oppressed, they get a kick out of being controversial for no reason. I feel like an old angry lady waving her stick around at the children outside for being too loud. But in my old age and wisdom, I’ve also learnt to be much more tolerant. I know, it sounds so ironic given my impatience. But I’m more forgiving, less judgemental; I adopt more of a ‘let people be’ stance. So let people be. Except people who stay stupid things.
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Don’t owe you shit, bitch leave me alone

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Sometimes you get a little click in your head. Sometimes it’s followed by more clicks. Sometimes it’s a long succession of little clicks, and they happen so rapidly that you think it’s just one big click and you can’t locate the source. So you ignore it. But tonight, I’m gonna tell you that you must absolutely fucking not ignore it.

Anyway, girls and guys, this post is about what we are absolutely NOT doing in 2019. Or henceforth, or even yesterday, because time is a manmade concept. Read more

Damn what a pity fam [10 hard truths]

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Haha, is that me?
I’ve been so busy recently, but at the same time… not. I’ve been speaking to more people, landing myself in new situations and, more often than not, have been increasingly finding myself staring into an imaginary camera. Some days I’m Jim. Other days I’m Michael. But most days I’m Jim. I am, however, always Patrick Bateman… And Dwight.
There are things I believe that I thought were common sense, but obviously not. I quit my job, I reconnected with people, I decided I was gonna be done with bullshit once and for all, and, as of recently, have decided to become the me I always tried to be. Uncensored and transparent. You thought you liked me before, wait till you see me now!!!!!!!
So I guess this post is inspired by the reason I have so many frown lines, and the reason I look into the aforementioned imaginary camera. Sometimes you just want to pick someone up and shake them and scream ‘I JUST WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU’ but you can’t because you’re 5″2, so you have to settle with a rant on WordPress.
Let’s go, the clock is ticking.
Institutional education doesn’t make you a better or a worse person  Read more

Sick entertainment but I'll bet it feels good [5 Things I learnt falling off a treadmill]

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Yes, hello. I am back after > a two month long hiatus with an embarrassing story for you, because we’re all guilty of a bit of schadenfreude and I wanna make you happy.
It finally happened to me, my worst gym nightmare. I did fall off the treadmill. I was sprinting, got distracted by my falling phone, lost my step, and was flung backwards.
Yes, in hindsight I should have said bun the phone and stopped first, but I did not. I decided to be a big man and look where it got me? With a fat scar on my chin.

Shit happens. And it will happen to you.
It will happen to you. It will definitely happen to you. Especially when you think it never will. So firstly:
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No world's tiniest violin song [Things I don't fuck with]

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Hello, I haven’t posted in almost two months because I am useless. But I’m here now, making a comeback in the most fitting fashion – by complaining.
Let me give you a little update, though, particularly on the little subject  that is my brain. I feel like after making some changes a few months ago (that I may or may not write a post on soon), I’ve become a completely different person. I am so positive, overall a lot happier with myself and life in general and it’s siq. I have adopted the attitude of ‘shit happens, life goes on’, as opposed to my previous ‘pick apart and analyse every single thing that has gone wrong ever, and do this until I go crazy’.
But the only thing is that I’m buzzing with all this positive energy and nobody to share it with. I’m finding myself craving some emotional connection somewhere, not necessarily romantic (and I’m trying to find it over a zoot). More often than not I have this strong desire to just sit and talk. Just talk and listen. Mostly listen. It’s not that myself isn’t enough, it’s that I literally have all this extra happiness going to waste, you know? If I could clone myself, I would. Science side of wordpress, make it happen.
But for now, let me stop being a soppy bitch and bring it back down to reality.  It’s not all rainbows and Nando’s, because shit pisses us all off in real life. I’m gonna tell you mine in the hopes that you never bring them my way, thanks x
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Eleven movies you need to watch before you die

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Haha, Eleven, get it, because I still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things.
Winter is upon us, (yes, Winter, because it’s getting really cold really fast) and it is thus time to break out the fat socks and double up your duvets. Yes, you can choose to stay in on a Friday night and not feel guilty about it. Yes, you can get out of bed at 12pm on Sunday and get back in at 8pm. Yes, it is time to eat a doner kebab and go straight to bed.
‘What can I do on a Friday night, k, if I’m not going out clubbing?‘ you ask? Well, friends, here is where I arrive in my usual grandiose style and hand you a list of the best movies ever made. I urge you to steadily make your way through these, savour every single minute, and finally present to me a 1,000 word essay on what you liked and didn’t like.
We don’t know when our last days are, so get cracking please x
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