Today’s prompt: What is home?
Home is walking through the doors and leaving all pressures, all standards and requirements at the entrance. It’s being free from prying eyes and worrying if you’ve accidentally pulled your socks over your leggings. It’s being free from dreading another human being talking to you or asking you a question when you’re just trying to get home please leave me alone.
It’s taking off any fancy clothes, it’s taking off the uncomfortable shoes and it’s changing into baggy sweatpants and a hole-ridden hoodie. It’s giving yourself a head massage and tying your hair back up, washing your face of grime and pollution and freeing yourself from the worry that there’s lipstick on your teeth, or that your foundation is sliding off.
It’s grabbing all the snacks you can find and falling down onto the sofa in a blanket. It’s turning on the tv and watching cartoons whilst stuffing your face with sausage rolls, crisps and yoghurt after a day of carrying yourself with an air of dignified wisdom. It’s whinging, howling with laughter and burping out loud after a day of stifling your sneezes and being careful not to laugh too loud.
Today’s prompt: A new thing to try
Starting to work towards a completely new future that I’m not prepared for.
Okay, let’s start small. I realise these posts are just a way to distract myself.
I want to travel. I don’t travel. I have never been anywhere except two family holidays which don’t count because I was young.
I wrote a couple of posts before about how important it is to explore the city you’re in, how important it is to build up the friendships you have in those places. Ironically, I didn’t follow those words after that.
But now I can, and I will. I’ll start by fully enjoying London, and then hopefully, unless the political climate worsens, everywhere else in Europe (except France, fuck France). Either with willing friends or by myself. I want to go, just go, I want long weekends in Austria, Sweden, Germany. I’ll even go to Morocco. I just want to get out of this country for a while, this city. I want to get away from all the toxicity around me; I don’t want a fancy hotel and an expensive trip. I just need a flight and somewhere to sleep.
Today’s prompt: Your best qualities
Oh dang. Time to toot my own horn.
Let’s do this in list form because it feels more uniform and factual and not like I’m trying to show off.
1] I voted labour
I care. Even if I was a millionaire, I would vote labour. Even if I didn’t care about other people, even if I didn’t need the NHS, even if I didn’t want to be heavily taxed in order to help the poor. I would never want a person like Theresa May making the decisions of this country. And I just wanna say, before this list really begins, if Corbyn doesn’t win, I WILL cry myself to sleep tomorrow night.
2] I’m realist
But I can also be a hopeless romantic. I can be positive in the right situations, but overall I’m a realist. That way I’m never too disappointed. I can be passionate but I can also think logically. And I think that’s the best combination to be. I think I give good advice. I give good advice, right?
Rant: Heart vs Head
Sorry, but we all end up listening to our hearts. Whether we do in fact end up changing our minds and doing what our hearts desired, or we’re still looking back after making a ‘logical’ decision that conflicted with what we truly wanted because it’s too late and now we’re living a life of subtle to severe ongoing misery, beating ourselves up with “what if I wasn’t such a fucking pussy?”, we end up dwelling on what our heart wanted either way. Logic, rationale and listening to our head only really delays the inevitible and wastes time. It gives us a little longer to convince ourselves that the “right” decision is what we should be making – but we fail to address the question of “right for whom?”. So you were strong enough to walk away from what you really desired, congratulations, you now have an empty void that can only be filled by what you abandoned in the first place. To be honest, therefore, being able to listen to your head instead of your heart isn’t being strong, that’s bullshit. Absolute bullshit. There is no strength in walking away from what you really want, if you really want it and it’s difficult for you to walk away from it, why the hell are you doing it? That’s not strength. That’s stupidity. Strength comes from doing what you really want, taking all the risks that come with it. As is plastered all over the internet and peoples’ minds, a life of ‘oh well’s is a hell of a lot better than a life of ‘what if’s. Obviously there are some cases where you would NOT do this, such as a situation that is dangerous for you or the people around you, but if your decision isn’t going to physically hurt anyone, do what you want.
When you want to make a decision, you toss a coin, the best method there is. But the decision you make is not dependent on whether that coin lands on heads or tails, it lies with what you’re desperately wishing for it to be whilst that coin is still in the air.
When you tell your friends to “make sure I don’t go back to him”, and you’re secretly dying for one of them to come to you and tell you that they don’t think you’re crazy at all, you’ve found your answer.
At the end of the day, everyone wants to think logically. Everyone likes to boast that they think with their head and that that is positively correlated with having no emotions. Untrue. You can seemingly lack emotions and still think with your heart. Do what you want, don’t be a fucking pussy and do what you think is right, fuck logic. Follow your head if you’re weak and not your own person. FOLLOW YA HEART OR YOU’LL BE MISERABLE.
Now Playing: Ventura Highway – America
I feel overwhelmed with strength
so much strength that I may shatter if I clap
my hands out of joy
so much strength that I am exhausted
after a day of carrying myself around
so much strength that walking with my head up
torments my neck with cramps
so much strength that every step I take creates cracks
in the path I am about to take
and I am going to break.
Now Playing: Hall of Fame – the Script