I’m just trying to find a friend that I can kick back with.
Maybe listen to Fleetwood Mac for hours whilst getting shit done. Write music. Sing songs with so much passion at the top of our lungs and convince ourselves we wrote them.
Or take some mescaline (thanks, Kurt) and see who can come up with the wildest stories (whilst listening to Jeff Buckley) and draw. Stare at the ceiling and talk about literally everything. Rant and talk shit about the people we hate. Tell them my struggles and not be judged or ridiculed or ignored. Someone who will be there whether it’s 4pm or 4am.
I want to be high as hell when I tell them something that’s bothering me, and they’ll be high as yike defending me to the death and coming up, in the utmost seriousness, with an elaborate plan to kill whoever pissed me off. And we’ll both believe it’ll happen even though later on we’ll laugh about it. But they weren’t joking and I’d have to stop them from doing something insane.
Reserve Sundays for formula 1, obviously.
It’s me. I’m describing myself.
You know what’s shit? When you miss the Optimum Nutrition black Friday deal.
I’m gonna talk about advice-giving. Advising?
I don’t like giving advice. Because a) I don’t care, b) I can’t deal with strangers who cry and c) you won’t listen anyway. This is how the human brain works; people want ‘advice’, but what they’re really looking for is their own opinion wrapped up and fed to them in a caramel latte. I don’t believe in this.
Let me give you a preview of my self-proclaimed world class advice. This sample is relationship heavy because, let’s face it, 90% of people are looking for relationship advice. Here you go, friends.
You know when you’re with a friend, and she sees one of her friends and goes to hug her and then the friend greets and hugs you too out of propriety?
That’s my worst nightmare. If I don’t know you, DON’T TOUCH ME. If I know you, I’LL DECIDE IF I’M GOING TO HUG YOU OR NOT. There’s only a couple of people I’ll accept a hug from, and even when I do hug it’s not a proper hug. Just one of those lazy “I’m not actually hugging you but if I put my hand behind your shoulder and move to make it look like I’m half-hugging, it counts”.
You know when you have a guest and apparently it’s rude if you don’t get up and hug the relatives you don’t even know? I’ll stay seated on the sofa thanks, maybe even stand, but a hello will suffice.
But if I don’t know you, don’t touch me. And no, it’s not a germ thing.
I mean, I’m not qualified enough to talk about what it’s like being in your twenties, as I’ve only just about existed for over two decades. Two whole decades. Wow.
But life doesn’t change that much between 21 and 25 right? [It does]. I’m not a teenager anymore and, though I still live with my parents and have yet to finish my degree and start adulting, I feel ready for adulthood. In my mind, I am a fully grown 27 year old woman. Where are my children.
Basically, your early 20s are great. Because you’re an adult [yeah, you still can’t sit with the adults when you’re 18], BUT you’re not adult enough to do the adult things required of a 25 year old. Like have a stable career and 65 children. You’re an adult but you’re still forgiven for being a child. Amazing. Let’s begin. Read more
Just love these 8 randomly placed mosquito bites that appeared overnight just when I thought the previous 6 healed. How did you even get there? In one night??
Summer is not my favourite season. Is this sweat running down my face? Or do I have a little MCR in my eye? I love winter, I love the atmosphere, I love the darkness. I love when Ramadan falls in Winter. I love cold and early nights. I love thunderstorms and heavy rain. I love sleeping comfortably in 3 blankets. I just love winter.
I hate feeling too hot. I hate that everybody gets naked. But I gotta think about the positives. I guess there are a few things I like about the few days of warmth that we get…like changing “coke, no ice” to “coke zero, ALL the crushed ice”.
Ramadan is almost over, and what are these blues?
Although I’m finally on top of things, academically, I still feel swamped in other things that I have yet to do. Perhaps the feeling of inadequacy and impending doom is embedded within me now? I’ve been off uni for so long and the only place I’ve been to is a drive thru at 2am. Once. Amazing.
Anyway. The reason I’m not being productive where it matters most is because I literally cannot function properly when my mood is too low. I am like a sim. I cannot work, play or talk when I’m not at an adequate level of happiness. Unfortunately, however, we humans do not have a magic llama and must suffer fairly through this game called life. I have, therefore, compiled a list of things that I feel might help provide temporary relief for that red plumbob hovering over your head. Bear in mind that I am the most miserable person in the world*, so if any of these work for me, they’re bound to work for you.