Right so I was actually gonna write another ginormous shitpost but I didn’t know if that’d be a good idea, so I wrote this instead. Not as ~juicy~ (I hate that idiot word too), but PROBABLY MORE USEFUL. I dunno, maybe you enjoy reading about me being a crybaby? Let me know x
Anyway. You know what I love doing? Helping people when I’m trying to sort my own shit out. Need an ego boost? I’m here, you fucking beautiful non-snowflake. Need a pep talk? I’m your man, let’s get your shit together. Think you’re being a cunt? You probably are, let’s figure out what you’re doing wrong.
I thought about telling tell you my own end of year goals, but who cares about me, right??? Instead, I’ve used my time to SELFLESSLY compile a list that you, yes you personally, should make your end of year goals. Gawd, the things I do for this shitty ass blog.
There’s basically just a month and a half left of 2017. Gasp. Yes, I know, time is a man made concept. ‘New year new me’ is some bullshit. But I think we can all agree that there is a certain catharsis that comes with the end of a year, with a brand new calendar.
Without further ado.
I think the daddy longlegs have finally disappeared, but I don’t wanna speak too soon so hopefully they can’t read.
I hate to be another lifestyle blogger talking about Autumn, but I can’t help it. I wait the entire year just for this season.
There are just some things about Autumn that make you feel calm, comfortable, and less angry about life. Everything desaturates, the air is clearer, the leaves fall orange on patchy grass, the sun is less intense so you can actually see the road ahead. It’s the season of chilling the heck out, slowing everything right down and re-evaluating your life. Autumn is comfort. Autumn is me having Blossom on repeat because it’s the best album of 2017 and I have a newfound love for it this season.
But I digress. I have a bad habit of getting deep and philosophical about things the way I just did. Time to get right into the good stuff, and what I believe are the best things about Autumn.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate
Thou calmest me most
When thou art blue –
Like the sky that houses the sun.
Ah the sun; so warming, joyful, happy
But sometimes scorching all my worries
Burning them down to ashes
Their fumes wafting their way back into me;
Like a phoenix, the ashes resurrect,
Bursting upwards from the ground
And slapping me straight in the goddamn face
As the summer reminds me;
you must be happy.
PSA: My heart belongs to North Wales. This is a long overdue post.
I always say I hate the shithole in which I live, but that I would never leave London unless I was going to Finland/somewhere in Scandinavia. Well, except I ABSOLUTELY WOULD!!!! To North Wales.
The last time we went to south Wales everybody was racist, so bye.
I love Snowdonia. I love Conwy. I love Llandudno. I love the people, the accent, the air. I am not a people person really, but everyone here is so nice!!! I love it!! It makes me wanna be a better person. I love that nobody litters. That actually warmed my cold, dead (joking, it’s warm, bloody, and very much beating) heart. I didn’t see that many bins, but nobody threw anything on the floor (except a couple banana skins on the mountain, hashtag slow release energy). I love that everywhere you go, you can see mountains. I love all the streams and I love that there are sheep literally EVERYWHERE. I’m not a beach person. But I am a mountain person. I am definitely a free-roaming-animals-in-the-street person.
‘Hmmm,’ she wonders, her fingers hovering over the trackpad of her brand new, photogenic rose gold Macbook. In front of her, to the right, are three pots of succulents, carefully placed next to a photo frame with nothing but the words ‘Carpe Diem’ in a curly font. She studies the mason jar on her left, filled halfway with a strawberry milkshake, carefully mixed to the exact shade of millennial pink, to complement the walls of her room, dotted with various edgy photographs in white frames.
She hesitates as she skims through the tabs open on safari.
‘5 favourite drugstore products’
‘Makeup Revolution: Naked dupe?’
‘Living with anxiety’
’10 Lipsticks every girl needs in her makeup bag’
‘What’s in my handbag?’
‘Screw it,’ she thinks out loud. Oozing with confidence and determination, she clicks on the tab that reads “Write new post”.
10 beauty hacks
She sighs out loud, relief and pride exiting her black-choker adorned throat.
Ahem. Sorry, that was a little rude.
Ahhh yes. Blogger’s block. It hits the best of us, it’s so frustrating, it’s the worst. It’s even worse when you have a post planned out and you’re like ‘nah. I can’t be bothered’. And into your drafts it goes. Along with the 200 other drafts.
The reason I can write this post is because I know exactly what to do, but my brain is just nope. So, I thought it best to publicise my solutions in the hope that other peoples brains aren’t broken and can actually follow this advice! Here we go.
Write a review
Easy. Probably the easiest type of post ever. Read a book, watch a movie, listen to an album, try a new product. And honestly, I don’t feel like you can ever have enough reviews. Except about makeup. We really don’t need that many reviews of the Naked palettes. Please, for the love of God, stop swatching every shade on your arm, I have seen this 40 times.