Sometimes you get a little click in your head. Sometimes it’s followed by more clicks. Sometimes it’s a long succession of little clicks, and they happen so rapidly that you think it’s just one big click and you can’t locate the source. So you ignore it. But tonight, I’m gonna tell you that you must absolutely fucking not ignore it.
Anyway, girls and guys, this post is about what we are absolutely NOT doing in 2019. Or henceforth, or even yesterday, because time is a manmade concept.
Ranking people based on how long we’ve known them
Fuck this. The way you treat people should not be based on how long you’ve known them. It’s so easy to make people feel like shit by letting them know they couldn’t ever be on par with the people who came before them. You’ll push them away, probably forever. Likewise, you don’t have to take shit from your best friend of 20 years just because you’ve known them for so long. If you meet someone cool and you really get along with them, but your bestie demands to be put first all the time because they were there for you during the bad times, dash them in the bin.
Thanks for being there during the bad times, but I’m more interested in who’s going to be there in all the times to come. Good and bad. You might be there, but someone else might also be there and be there more than you were. Fuck prioritising people who happened to be in your life at the right time for you to be able to say that; it’s unfair and ridiculous. The stars aligned, certain people happened to be around at a certain time – nobody did anything special, and it’s not fair that they were given that chance to ‘prove’ themselves to you.
I learnt this lesson a long time ago. Stay cautious when you first meet people, but it doesn’t take long to know whether they have a spot in your life. And if they do, don’t ever remind them that they’re a rookie, because they might have had better intentions for you than anyone who was there before them.
I will never, ever remind anyone that they weren’t in my life when I was at my lowest; I’m not that person anymore. I will never make anyone feel like they’re not as important as people I met before them. This is a new part of my life, and if I want you in it, you do not hold less value than someone who was here before you.
This also applies to family. I choose who I want around. We share the same blood, we are not the same person. I didn’t ask for this. I choose who I’m loyal to.
In 2019, we’re abandoning the idea that the person you met 7 years ago is better than the person you met yesterday. We are not fucking up like this and sabotaging potentially fulfilling friendships/relationships anymore.
Playing games
The silent treatment. You took an hour to reply, so I’m gonna take three. Making people jealous. Taking a snap so it looks like you’re out to dinner with a guy just to make your ex curious. Threatening to leave your partner. Not knowing that there’s a limit to banter.
What’s the point? The only person you hurt is yourself. You both end up playing the game and nobody wins. We’re growing all the way up this year, please for the love of God. We’re communicating. We’re growing up. We don’t have time. The ice caps are melting. We’re dying.
Judging people
Stop belittling people. Stop telling people they couldn’t possibly know what real pain is. Stop telling people they have no reason to be unhappy, that they’re ungrateful because they have food and a roof. We have different thresholds, different triggers. You might cry when a guy doesn’t text you back. I got dizzy when I watched Split.
You don’t know what another person has been through. Not many people know about the shit that I have and do go through, and nobody knows all the details. I’ve never fully confided in anyone because people don’t intend on sticking around. My point in that sob story was that you can’t judge people for being a certain way .. unless they’re something like a rapist or a murderer obviously. I’ll be criticised for my earlier opinions about friends and family, and some men think I’m a bitch. But nobody really cares about the WHY.
You will be judged for being the way you are but… it doesn’t matter. You know why you are the way you are. That’s 2k19 energy for you.
I realised way too much has happened for me to even consider carrying it with me; so I threw my hands up and said FUCK IT. I live my life how I want to. We all should. I’m happy, and I do what makes me happy because I was ready to disappear a few years ago. And that’s all you need to know. People heal, and you don’t ever know what they had to heal from.
Forgetting to make time for the important things
Career, future, stability, what if it fucks up, what if I get hurt, what if it’s a waste of time. Keep that energy far away. Take risks and live in the present.
I can’t stand when people are so focused on making money that they forget about everything else. It’s normal to want to find and hold onto stability, but I can’t get on board with isolating yourself, with pushing people away. I isolate myself every now and then, but I will never intentionally push away the right people.
You can make money. You can’t get time back. You won’t ever get time back. It’s the most valuable thing you have, and I’m a firm believer in this. As nice as your new possessions are, they will never make you feel the way some bomb memories with the right people will.
Material things don’t do as much as letting people know you want to spend your time on them. I like thoughtful gifts, but as happy as it’ll make me, it won’t make me as happy as you telling me the reason you wanted to give me it. It won’t make me as happy as talking to you or spending time with you, or knowing you were thinking about me. Going out, doing new things and going to new places are all amazing, but sometimes even doing nothing with the right people is time well spent.
That being said, sometimes you are the right people. Spending time alone is normal and healthy. You should be able to comfortably do that, and if you can’t, there’s something wrong with you. Enjoy your own company before you enjoy anyone else’s.
Thinking that your worth is measured by your popularity
Anytime I say I don’t have that many friends, I’m hit with incredulity. “I don’t believe you.” Why is it something not believable?
I have enough friends. I don’t keep people around who don’t matter. I know so many people who have so many acquaintances; why? If I know I don’t particularly want you in my life, I don’t consider you a friend. We cool, but let’s not put a label on it.
If I actually dislike you, I won’t follow your socials just because. I don’t care about your life. There are people I’ve never met in real life who I consider friends. There are people I’ve known for over a decade who I no longer call friends. I don’t think it’s that deep. I don’t have time to be keeping up with people who don’t add anything to my life. In 2019, we are stopping this wild notion that we have to be popular and desirable. I will cut people off if I have to, and you should too.
Onto ‘desirable’. I’m still weirded out by the whole ‘don’t you feel flattered that all these people want you’ thing. Yeah it’s flattering, but it also doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t matter how many people want you if you don’t want them back. Nobody wants someone who wants to be wanted by everyone. I don’t want to be wanted by everyone. If my man wants me to cut off a guy who he thinks likes me, I will. Why do I need that kind of attention and validity from someone else?
There are weird guys who will refuse to cut off a woman who obviously wants them, even though their girlfriend is uncomfortable with it. I’m tired of seeing so many men hurt their girl just because they want to keep other women around to boost their ego, or because they won’t let their girl ‘tell them what to do’. That is insecurity. When you enjoy receiving attention from so many people, it’s insecurity. Same with girls who talk to 397 different guys because you like the attention; somehow you’ll always end up hurt. Insecurity.
In 2019, we’re keeping real ones around and we’re appreciating them. Were prioritising. We’re not dying for attention. We’re not having hoes. We want a real one.
Settling
Man. You know what you want. You tell your friends about it all the time. You ignore the red flags that are right in front of you and you still settle. You pretend you don’t know what you’re looking for because then you have an excuse to settle for less and not feel bad about it because ‘I don’t even know what I want.’ Yes you do. You know exactly what you fucking want.
You want someone who’s gonna confide in you and listen to you and make you feel like you’re the only person who matters. You want someone you can banter with, but who’s also gonna make you feel secure; someone who’s gonna roast the fuck out of you but also be sweet to you and only you. You want someone who’s gonna send memes but who also calls you out on your bullshit because they want it to work. That’s the bare minimum and you’re probably not even getting that.
If he’s not saying good morning to you when he wakes up, or asking what’s bothering you, what are you doing? If she doesn’t wanna take pictures with you or wanna know what happened at work today, what are you doing? If you don’t pester me for my attention and gas my selfies, what am I doing?
We’re not catching feelings for just anybody this year.
Being an emotionless bad bitch
Stop dating emotionally unavailable people just because you think you can change them. Those people are lame, why do you want to be lame? Being emotionless is not a good thing. It’s not cool. It’s not cool to run away from feelings. It’s cool to feel things, it’s amazing to feel searing hot pain because the bliss is 10 times better. You don’t feel the good without the bad.
We’re not refusing to speak to someone just out of principle even though every minute feels like an hour. We’re not pretending we don’t care, we’re not pretending to be bad bitches. We’re opening up, we’re talking, we’re being real. You don’t want the person who doesn’t care about where you are or what you’re doing. You don’t want to be the person who feels like they can’t open up.
We’re not caring about scaring people away because that’s how you weed out the people who aren’t good for you.
In 2019 we’re having a mental glow up.
Now Playing: The Spiteful Chant – Kendrick Lamar